Thanks for visiting The Sentry. I’m here on whatever day you’re reading to bring your attention to one of the greatest societal ills we have faced in modern times.

We’ve all been there. You’ve just waited in the security line at the airport for a borderline criminal amount of time (unless, like a responsible citizen of the great state of Mississippi, you’ve taken the drive to Vicksburg to register for TSA Precheck).

You think the worst is behind you. You get to your gate and have a seat. Then, you hear it, the most horrifying and terrible sound you could possibly hear in that otherwise pretty dull setting: a baby crying. It is at this point that you realize your already thrilling day of travel is about to take a turn for the worse.

After a fleeting hope that the baby is at gate C22, and not your temporary place of solace better known as gate C23, you realize the baby will be boarding the same flight as you.

Let’s fast forward a little bit. The plane has taken off already, and you heard a cry or two from the little (REDACTED) during that process, but the plane has been in the air for long enough without disturbance that you decide to sleep for a little bit. Then, as you hoped it wouldn’t, the baby begins crying once again.

You don’t get any sleep, and you’re forced to watch some movie with a terrible Rotten Tomatoes rating since you had some stroke of fortune in that you got a plane new enough to have a screen for you to look at.

Babies being allowed to board commercial airliners is, without question, one of the worst plagues humanity has ever faced. Simple frogs and locusts don’t come anywhere close. The fix is simple, though. Just ban them from planes. Your little bundle of joy won’t even remember their trip to that big city if they’re too young to know they need to keep their mouth shut on an airplane.

I think the unnecessary frustration caused by babies being allowed on airplanes is a root cause of every problem we’re facing today. Just imagine how much better your life would be if you could get some more sleep on the plane and how your experience waiting at your gate would be much more peaceful without a baby’s crying to listen to.

I plead with you all today, if you’ve made it this far, to support banning babies from commercial planes. I would suggest a $100 fine for first-time offenders, with up to fifty years in prison for repeaters. Thank you for your time.

The Sentry Editorial Policy

All opinion pieces are the views of the author(s), and the author(s) only, with the exception of staff editorials, which are unsigned and reflect the consensus view of the students in the Sentry classes. Staff editorials are the only columns in the paper that express the unified view of the Sentry staff.  This staff editorial process is comprised of two main steps.  First, the staff talks amongst themselves about a topic and organizes a position on the issue on which all class members can agree. The editorial is then written and run past the staff members for approval.

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